Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Welcome to Bangkok

Space cadet, pull out.
My feet shuffle slowly over a wooden, dusty floor. I am making my way down a dark corridor. The walls seem to be smudged with grime, and also have a thick layer of dust covering them. On the floor, there are various bits of rubbish; from tiny rat bones, to soda cans, to all sorts of disgusting, unhealthy things.
I feel so tired and dizzy; lightheaded. My feet feel so heavy, my chest feels so light. I, on some level, know exactly where I am going, but on another level, the conscious one, I have no clue what my destination is. My body is shaking, and sweat crawls down my neck and arms. I am hot, I am cold.
On the end of my hands, I am wearing boxing gloves. I am wearing shorts with a pattern I cannot recall (black, grey, and white, I believe?). I have no shirt on. My glasses are gone, yet my eyesight is perfect.
 Space cadet, pull out. 
I was back inside of the house. The house. The house I grew up in. The house where a part of me died. The house where this all began. If I hadn't of been pissed off at my mother that day, I would have never gone on that walk to the creek. The reason I had gone in the first place...I wasn't going on just an everyday walk. I wanted to throw away all of the novels that she was reading. It's a bit of a long story, but she had been reading them constantly and taking away ideas from them and adding them into her own bullshit. 
I took the novels, those crazy fucking novels that talk about how ANYTHING could happen when you just believed in yourself really fucking hard; that you could do anything. I took those novels to the creek, and threw them into it. I ran past that car that held the watch, not even bothering to look into it at first. 
I should have burned those books instead.
I was back inside of the house. It was so cold. Outside, there was the occasional tap on one of the windows from a steady drizzle of rain. The house was so barren and empty. 
And then I heard someone upstairs, walking around in my brothers' room. 
Space cadet, ...pull out.
I am typing away at a computer. Words flood into my brain, jumbling together somehow and creating coherent sentences, yet incoherent paragraphs. Blood trickles down from my mouth; I feel as if my body is decomposing rapidly inside. The decay is rotting my innards away. 
My heart is blackening, and my lungs are filling with a grey liquid. He feels so cozy while clogging up my veins. He chuckles, I choke up. My throat gurgles with a mixture of the alien substances, and my own blood; the blood that is drying away minute by minute. I can feel my bones turn to dust.
Yet I am still living, still typing, still thinking, still learning, still hurting.
What was that noise? Did someone break into the house? Who was that trip-trapping across my bridge? Who even had the nerves to trespass like this? This house is so sad. Who would want to steal anything that had been permeated with such melancholy while being locked up in this house? I know I wouldn't. 
I put a foot on the first step to the stairwell. I looked up. All the pictures that had adorned the wall were gone now. All that was left was the white wall. I felt so stuck with the two walls that ran up along the stairs. They were parallel structures leading up to the higher level.
Of my house.
Would I find God when I ventured up these steps? 
 I make my way down the corridor. At the end, a tiny sliver of light shines out in the distance. As I get closer, the sliver of light widens. A uproar of sound pushes outwards from the opening. I approach the opening, and am amazed to see everyone I've ever cared for squished into a room, that was, in comparison to most portrayals of rooms where boxing matches are held, quite small.
They were all shouting varying remarks. Insults. Praise. General bullshit. Whatever they would say to me now, whatever they were going to say to me, and whatever they had said to me in the past. I didn't spend too much time searching through the crowds' faces, but I do not recall seeing any of The 757.
There was the boxing ring. I climbed onto it, ready for the Death Match.
The steps creaked as I slowly climbed up them. The railing in the wall moved and wobbled a bit like how we had left it, but it was still attached to the wall. I looked up above me, and noticed a grand spider web. A fly flew into the spider web, and was now stuck in it. The web wiggled.
I felt like an insect. Who is that trip-trapping across my web?
My eyes bled and my skin felt like it was sliding off. My teeth cracked and broke and crumbled until they were dust, and then I swallowed the dust. The dust traveled down the throat, but did not travel any further. And then my other bones seemed to follow suit. Blood is trickling onto the keyboard. Was.
What am I going to do? Do I do anything? Can I do anything? 
Do I want to do anything?
No, I would not find God. Not in this Hell. This isn't some place where I was going to find a true version of myself either. No. I'm going to find the beast, the monster behind all this. Or maybe a new monster. Or perhaps The Devil itself. Anything but The Holy Trinity.
I was on the landing. I was landing. My shoes contacted the wooden floor. I felt rotting wood give in a bit. This house was falling down. My mother never let anyone fix it. She just let the termites eat away at everything. The house was falling down, just like I was.
I looked to the left, just in time to see The Monster.
"Who's that trip-trapping across my bridge?" said Grey. He was up there, in the same exact outfit as me; he was wearing a man-suit, that is. He was my mirror image, except for a few differences. His eyes leaked shadow. His skin was pale; almost grey, like his hair. He smiled, something that I never did/do/will do.
 He laughed. He laughed at me. He laughed at my pain; the writhing pain. He walked towards me; the anger mixed in with the pain forced me to walk towards him too.
We were facing each other, in the center of the platform. 
"Think fast...." he whispers into my ear.
Before I figure out what he's about to do, a bell rings out and the match begins.
Inside the doorway to the right, into my brothers' room, is The Devil. His mask...I don't remember, or any other details about him, for that matter. I only remember two things; his wild, blue eyes, and for some reason, seeing the image of a dragon inside of his shadow. 
The Devil cackles in a deep voice that doesn't sound like cackling at all to a human. 
It roars. The sound shakes the entire house all the way to its rotting foundation.
It speaks, but I cannot hear it. 
And then it jumps on top of me, and starts its screaming. Its darkness wraps around me, encircling me in a twister of pure undiluted aggression. It feels so tight as it rapidly squeezes on me. 
I was eye to eye with the Monster itself. 
I touched my face...what face? I licked the inside of my mouth...the dull, metallic taste met my tongue. My face was slowly falling apart; it was melting like wax; it was cracking like a mirror; it was crumbling away like ash. It itched. It hurt. My eyes felt loose in their sockets. My hair began falling out.
I heard my heart beating.
 The Monster was enveloping me into its land. I felt its heart beating along with mine.
Grey landed a punch in the center of my chest. I was pushed up into the air by the blow. He then punched me again, sending me spiraling to the edge of the ring. 
And then he began to scream. The same high pitched scream I heard the night Katelyn was murdered.
I got up, and attempted to run over to him and land a blow, but he stepped to the side, closed one eye, and punched me in the jaw. 
"Well, Champ, looks like your title is going to be taken away, eh? Shame. I was hoping for a challenge this time. You disappoint me, Owen. Come on, I know you better than this!! Are you really a broken toy now? DO I HAVE TO DISPOSE OF YOU? Please say no, Owen...."
I look up to his face,... and spit blood into it.
He laughs in that high pitched squeal, and waits for me to stand up.
My legs are shaking as I struggle to pick myself back up; when I am directly facing him, he looks at me...and shakes his head, as if he's annoyed.
 "Just give up, Owen. Stop trying so hard to hold on to yourself. Sometimes it's just best to forget and let go, you know? Blur out everything else. Let me in. I promise you eternal bliss; I'll keep your personality. You'll live inside of me for all eternity. 
You'll be me. And isn't that the greatest reward of all?"
I ignore him as blood drips down my chin.
"...You perplex me, Owen. Very well then. Everything, to nothing. That is your punishment."
He looks up and laughs again. 
"Humans perplex me in general. Do you not realize...the thing you search for in your scripture...has been with you this entire time? You've been looking into the clouds, when you should have been looking into your mirrors. But I'll correct you guys. I'll show you all who's everything...and nothing."
 The Monster does not let go.
It's funny. I was nothing when I left that house, and I was nothing when I entered it again.
But at that moment, with that Monster. I was Something.
No, not something. Something. Everything.
I had become Something Else.
Unimaginable power flooded through me. A River...The River.
Inside of me. It poured energy into me. Like blood.
I could have let go...let The River pull me into its current...
I realize the computer screen I am looking into is a mirror. I am not falling apart. I can pull myself back together. All I have to do is get back up. I cannot give in. Not when others' lives are on the line.
And then Daisy's light obliterated the Darkness inside of the Forest.
I do not need unlimited power. I do not need to give into Sin.
I do not need to give up yet.
I do not want to give up yet.
The story's almost over. All I have to do is turn the page.
The Slender Man appears in the bedroom, and its tentacles pull the Monster away from me.
My ass hits the floor again. Grey is screaming and hitting me and destroying me. 
But I feel a warmth inside of me. 
A flame burning out the center.
I get up, and Degausser flows inside of my veins.
I've always been stubborn. I am, after all, my mother's son. How could I ever forget that?
The gloves are blown off of my fists as a golden energy leaks out of them.
Of course, it's understandable I'd falter in such misfortune. 
The stupid grin on Grey's face disappears, but he does not quit screaming.
Anyone would. But it doesn't mean it's okay to stay down. 
He attempts to land another punch, but I close one eye and step to the side.
I have to pick myself up, even if I'm in pieces. One by one, if I have to.
I grab his arm. He does not stop his screams of aggression. 
I am not energized by some newfound confidence. 
He shakes away my grip and tries landing another hit; his arm glows a silver hued color.
This is me doing what has to be done. For my family, for my friends. For my town.
Our fists fly past each other.
Because I have to protect the ones I love.
Because as fucked as this place got, it made me "me."
Because I can carry this weight.
I scream. Tears pour down my face as a mix of emotions cloud my mind.
We hit each other at the same time. 
Everything to Nothing.

For half an hour today, Sowing Season failed. This was the result of that. 

But maybe it was for the better.

I do not want to die yet.

I'm not giving in.

I want revenge.

I don't want to let go.

I want to kill Grey.

I don't want to live.

I just want to see you die, you bastard.

I do not have much time. Once Sowing Season fails completely, Grey will take my body over.

But I do have a plan.

We are going to perfect Degausser. 

We are going to use this weapon the town has handed us to kill the Dragon in the countryside.

Sowing Season is the armor, Degausser is the shield, and Daisy is the sword.

I am a Knight. Silly sounding, but it's true.

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